A Response to “But Why Are You Not Married?”

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This is a comeback article since my absence for 2 long fuckthopia years! And yes I am grinning!

“People ask me, ‘Why are you single?’ You’re attractive, intelligent and creative. My reply is I’m overqualified.” ~ Unknown

First of all, Yes I was unmarried 2 years ago and I am still unmarried! I dated (speed and not so speed) but now i agree when people around me say that I am too picky. I did not agree to that initially but now I am going to say this, “I am picky because I have the right to do so.”

I have noticed that I tend to be questioned much more about my relationship, engagement, or wedding than my job or related accomplishments. Any social event and BAM….“So, when are you getting engaged or married” or “Why are you still single?” than “How’s your job?” or “Any new projects lately ?” They even twist the question by asking me if I have a special someone, hoping that I will at least show an engagement ring. (But all I wanted to show was my middle finger with a halo ring around it!)

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This one takes the icing…. (at a wedding party)

Random Lady I just met: It must be hard for you to see all your friends married and you are still single.

Me: Yeah it’s hard but I get to have hot angry sex with random strangers  and I feel so much better! Have a lovely evening. (All this, with a shot of tequila and a massive come hither look on my face)…… OK I DID NOT SAY THAT TO THE POOR LADY!

It’s actually an inquiry because for the woman I am, I should have been at least dating someone by now. I wish I knew the answer to that question. Sometimes I respond by saying that I am probably meant to be single forever or maybe I am meeting guys who are not that into me.

Truth to be told, I have actually lost the ability to settle! 

I don’t want to be in a marriage just to play house (or doctor) . I don’t just want company. Plus I disagree with getting married as an accomplishment. The year is 2016, but the news about engagement or getting married is more celebrated than a woman’s academic or professional accomplishment. You don’t need to have a brain or special skills to get married. You just have to have a willing partner to join in your journey of life. As a woman in this day, I’m allowed to enquire what can he do for me that I can’t do for myself? I am in a position where I can ask “What can you provide me on the table that I can’t?”

I am not looking for material things here. I want a man who I can respect so I can be submissive because I want to. He just have to be worthy for that. I realised after all these years I am looking for someone who burns as passionately as I do. It lies in his eyes and his heart. I don’t want to settle for a discount lover but I rather wait it out, discover me and be prepared for someone with my level of energy and love for life.

We are considered more mature when we decide that relationships are not just mere pleasure but an opportunity to grow as a person.We all have issues and how we are dealing with these issues are probably at different stages of healing process. It’s important to understand self-worth before joining the same band wagon and go weeeeeee…….

I started questioning myself when people asked me why I was not married. I just couldn’t go on random dates just to find the person. Even if I had a vavavoom experience (if you know what I mean), I was not filling my social calendars with future suitable prospects. I was actually enjoying life as it is….. doing things I want to  because I want to. So, with this being said, I will accept a man who can add something to my already wonderful life. I know what I want in not just a lover but a partner. He will complement me and I will complement him.

So, the answer to the question BUT WHY ARE YOU NOT MARRIED YET is I know exactly what I want and I will get just that.

No bargains and no settling for anything less than what I deserve. You might say that I am asking for a lot…. “I am worth a lot.” With this I want to say that a ring doesn’t define women these days but progress in life with achievements mean more. I still urge people to be excited with “I am getting married” statement but please have the same excitement when a woman says “I am graduating with my masters degree” or “I am opening a new restaurant”.

P.S I have my graduation ceremony coming up next month!

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CHEERS!!

 

Procrastination – A cosmic pastime

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Oh you are actually reading this! Now that’s impressive…

Ok I know I have been away for a while and as much as I wanna say that I was really busy with work or planning a royal wedding, I’d be lying…. All I have been doing is procrastinating! Yeah…. a favourite pastime for most homo sapiens.

But my sort of procrastination is different. It’s called structured procrastination and here’s why.I have been meaning to write this post for 3 months now…. well my last post was dated on April 23rd and it’s July 8th today. If you think I had extra time on hand and that’s why I am writing this, WRONG!!! I actually have a thesis proposal and 5 case reports to be completed! I had 2 years to be exact to have completed this but here I am doing it the very last minute. (P/S somewhere in my time warp, I still think I have time!) I am writing this post as a way of not doing those things. This is what a structured procrastination is.

As we all know, all procrastination is the act of postponing important work, especially out of habitual laziness or carelessness. Everyone has procrastinated at least once in their lifetime. Anyone who said they haven’t are either lying or have OCD. So, walk with me here…. here’s a situation all of us have been in. Well, OMG I have just been assigned to do a full report which has to be 10 pages long and it’s due end of this month. I better get started right away. Hmmmmmm but then again it’s only due end of the month, so I’ll get on it tomorrow. And…. tomorrow arrives and then a week passes, and then dammit the due date is tomorrow and guess what, I am actually sitting and doing it the very last minute stuffing myself with McDonald’s burger and fries (which was delivered coz’ if I go out for dinner I would be wasting precious time). Sure you thought about doing the report everyday in the past 4 weeks but you would rather do other things.

So back to structured procrastination. The key idea here is procrastinators seldom do absolutely nothing. We do other slightly useful things like cleaning, baking, drawing, filing, gardening or even arranging our desks again and again. And why do we do this? It’s a way of not doing something more important. So if my task was to write a post in my blog today, I would have never done it. The procrastinator can be motivated to do difficult, timely and important tasks, as long as these tasks are a way of not doing something more important. I have to hand in my thesis proposal soon and here I am writing this post. Mission accomplished!

I have a list with the most important task on the top and I have other smaller tasks in the bottom. Just so you know, the tasks at the bottom are worthwhile too. Well in order not to do the task that are higher in the list, I perform the ones lower in the list. I would like to think I get a lot of things done this way and acquire a reputation to get a lot of work done (p/s in a timely manner). 🙂

One great example is when I am furthering my studies, well working and studying is not really easy… especially for a person like me. I have lots of deadlines but normally when that happens, I am out with my buddies or start a new series… by the way I watched all 3 seasons for Game of Thrones in 4 days! I don’t regret doing those things when I should actually be sitting down with my nose buried in the books.

You might ask, so when does the important task on top of your list get done? Answer is simple, “I am pretty sure something else more important will come along and that will top my list and this will be more important. Then I’ll get to work on it.”

So, Procrastinate with a structure that is ….. and LIVE a little! What is life if it’s not meant to be lived to the fullest?

Hi My Name is Premi and I am a structured procrastinator!

Scent of a Woman

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Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Heard that many times right? The fact is that we are different! Men and women have trouble agreeing on certain things as these two sexes have constant clashes of opinion. We just need a magic potion, so we can understand the other gender better. It’s more like a potion that we can drizzle on the Martians or Venusians forehead and we might be able to see the light!

I still can’t understand most men and am not trying to these days! It’s exhausting. I just think they are better off the way they were made. Woman are very complex being. We think too much. We talk too much. Well, the list goes on. But men on the other hand have absolutely nothing going on in their brain! I GET IT!

We are all looking for the significant other to spend our lives with. So it’s important that we address how different they can be in their communication styles, their emotional needs, and their modes of behaviour. We need to learn the secrets of communicating without conflicts. Basically understanding each other.

I am writing this based on one of my adventure to the world of pink heart balloons and fine stainless steel needles (dating). I dated a man who was absolutely nothing like me. You see, his parents were scouting for a bride for him. It started off with getting to know each other in which, I took some time because I wanted to know what this total stranger is about. In a traditional Indian family, taking time to know a person is equivalent to wasting time! So I have been told!! If you like the guy and the guy likes you….well after your 1st date, the parents meet and after that prepare to get hitched!!! Crazy stuffs like this do happen in the 21st century! After much debate on wanting to know each other better, it was victory on my side.

I was just part of his life plan and I was supposed to fit into his life. The relationship lasted for a whole year and ended with me taking a ticket out as I was never taken care of  emotionally. I was definitely not worried about being given a nice home or money in the future. I was worried that I could not do what I loved with this person. Our ideas were so different that whenever I compromised, I was loosing myself and if he’d compromise, he was going to resent me in future. When you love each other, you will put his/her needs before yours and not resent. People always say that women marry a man expecting him to change and men marry women expecting her to stay the same. If you love that person, you will do any small thing that would make the corners of the mouth curl up a little. It’s not changing yourself, it’s all about making the other person happy. That’s how I knew that that bloke I dated was not for me. It lasted a year because I was getting to know this person and I just didn’t get it!

Lesson learnt: Opposites attract only if they complement each other.

When a woman in her 30s dates a man, her needs and wants are very different from a woman in her 20s. Most women want security in a relationship. She wants to feel that you can protect her from any physical harm. She likes you to be capable of keeping her safe and bring home some bread – even if she can afford to do all that by herself.

A woman wants her man to be honest. She doesn’t want her man to be lying to her about important matters. She wants him to understand that she is always there when he needs her. She must feel like the most important person in his life and he must be able to trust her. To her, his life is her life. If a man finds himself lying to this woman, then he may be taking a  detour on his ship and it will be a matter of time before she finds out.

A woman wants you to know her so you can love her for her. She will exhibit all her good sides and bad sides . She wants the man to understand her for who she is and not what others perceive her to be. The gift of having someone understand you is priceless. There won’t be confusions and misconceptions. They will learn to be around you.

I have been able to care for myself in the past few years. But it’s not the same when I am in a relationship. Women love to be cared after. It’s crazy but it’s more like she knows she has someone she can fall back onto, to share her burden. She will do the same when no one else will.  A woman is always impressed with a man that knows compassion. Not just towards her! How he is with his surroundings is very important. She wants a man whom others look up to and is kind to others. Don’t worry gentlemen, its not sissy to have compassion. Women don’t really go hand in hand with malicious men!

Women want their men to be strong, both mentally and physically. It makes her feel safe (PS its a freaking turn on)! Well, its not because she wants to date Hercules or anything but it’s human nature. Women love men who are strong! PERIOD!

This brings me to chivalry. Well, it’s sort of dead these days. I don’t know who killed it, men or women? Chivalry kind of died with some women seeking equality and thinking that chivalry is a way of belittling them. I BEG TO DEFER!! It’s  nice to have the perfect gentleman talking me out on a date. It really does make a woman feel good. It’s not because I can’t open my car door or drive myself to the restaurant but it’s nice to have a MAN actually paying attention to the little things that they can do for you to make you feel special.

Women are seeking equality as most are after all educated and earning a living and still being the home minister at home. It’s like asking for the right to climb the corporate ladder or vote or drive (in some countries a driving woman is equivalent to a run-away camel) is interpreted as not wanting to be treated like a lady ever again. Even the most successful woman will have shivers down her spine if you can put your hand around our back or walk beside us not ahead of us. Maybe some women have lost their value nowadays, but there are still women out there that deserve chivalry. I still appreciate all the men out there who do this day in and day out, not to woo the woman but because you were brought up to respect people. Remember dudes! At least try walking on the right side of the street.

So, you see women don’t really ask for a lot of things. I am just jotting down what good Venusians are about when it comes to being in a relationship with a Venusian. Women are crazy but they are loveable. Try to understand this and I think Martians will be doing just fine. I still have good hope for all the Martians out there!!!!!!

Love,

A humble Venusian

7 Deadly Sins and the Mother of all..

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Most of us must have watched Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman in the 1995 movie Seven. It revolves around a sadistic killer who meticulously plans all his killings based on the famous 7. Seven Deadly sins.. I have been giving it much thought lately. For those who don’t know the 7 deadly sins, according to the Catholic church since the early 14th Century, these sins will send you straight to hell. But, no worries coz you can be saved if you confess to a man that suffers from none of them. [Confession: I am not Catholic, I am Human]. Before I go on, I will list the Deadly 7:

  1. Luxury (lechery/lust)
  2. Gula (gluttony)
  3. Avaritia (avarice/greed)
  4. Acedia (sloth/discouragement)
  5. Ira (wrath)
  6. Invidia (envy)
  7. Superbia (pride)

Life is meant to be lived. These sins are around, but If we choose wisely in our decisions we would be lucky to avoid all of it but we don’t live in heaven right now do we? So, it’s as simple as committing these sins and confessing to the chosen one and “POOF” I get a ticket to heaven? I hope Led Zeppelin will be playing stairway to heaven at that time! Sweet!

We are only human, and committing these sins might have been part of our lives. We are surrounded by temptations and we will be lucky if we avoided every single one of them since we were born up to now. I mean come on… I am not perfect. I can’t run away from these temptations. I am only human and I do what I want anyway. No one can control my thoughts. I am the master of my mind, so I have been told. But there is evil lurking in the dark. We all make mistakes and mistakes are made so we learn from them. Sins are only sins if we are hurting other people. We don’t need the assistance of religion to tell you this. Look around, the people around us are who we get answers from [mankind or animals, although in this era, the animals seem to be bagging the trophies].

So let me confess my sins to my fellow human kind…

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  • Lust – I stare at hot blokes all the time and wondered what would it be like to take them home. Well we all have done that and that is lusting after someone. This is so a normal female behaviour. I don’t think i deserve a place in hell for this dear sweet Lord. Lusting after a man who belongs to someone, that is still not wrong unless you actually steal the man and actually perform some lusting ritual which takes 2 hands to clap! Well then, both of you belong to each other so you can keep on cheating for the rest of your lives. You may be able to forgive one another. Anyways, Lust is not just about sex, it can be lusting after money, power, fame…anything the heart desires. But in my lust context, it’s just the hot looking blokes!

 

  • Gluttony – I live to eat on my days off from work and on the days I work, I eat to live. On my holidays, I eat like a King for breakie, a prince for lunch and i wish to say pauper for dinner, but i will be lying. I confess on wasting food and that is my sin. Put on your plate what you can eat. Don’t waste food, my mum always says. I won’t go to the extent of eating a shark or house pets. I used to have rabbits so I don’t eat rabbits. I guess my gluttony rating has to be only 2/10. To all you foodies, you gotta have your limits. I know we only live once but choose your food carefully, we don’t want our coronary arteries clogging up at the age of 40 right? Unless you wanna savour your heart in the hearse on the way to the morgue. Gluttony is represented by the colour orange and that’s because….. DRUM ROLL….. that’s the only colour that can be eaten!

 

  • Greed – I confess that I desire after material wealth. Hmmmm, let’s see, I wish I had a goose that laid golden eggs! and with the Golden eggs, I can buy a yacht and take it on a cruise to the Caribbean islands. Well since we are at it, I would like to name my yacht Aquadisiac! Since Forbes has listed Bill Gates and Carlos Slim Helu, world’s richest people, they better start praying a little harder for stairway to heaven! Greed is evident in the political world. Let’s be honest, most people go into politics not to be Captain Planet but because of all the jujus’ they offer. It’s kinda evident where I come from. George Carlin once said that the rich will always be rich as they rob the middle-class and it’s these poor shmucks that sustain the country’s economy and take care of the poor. By the way, spending $ 3 million dollars for a shoe, yes you read that right! Rita Hayworth heels by Stuart Weitzman, that spells Retard all over!

 

  • Sloth – I am so guilty right now, I might as well take the lift to hell! To me, I might look like I am just chilling but to God, it is an offence of first degree! I have been procrastinating on cleaning my dining table for the pat 2 years! Hah!! Yeah…. my dining table is where I try to study and I have left it like it has been since my last major exam and every time I want to put the books and papers away, i say no! I need them to be where they are right now! So much for a neat freak but not the dining table! Can’t explain but every time i pass by the dining table, i imagine myself looking like a sloth! GUILTY AS CHARGED! Well, to pacify myself, at least I do get up to get the remote control for the TV and I don’t push the doors that says PULL!

 

  • Envy – I have always been envious of those who have it all. Well, these people had fun in college, stealing boyfriends or girlfriends and 10 years down the road, they are happily married with the least likely partner and have 3 beautiful children! COME ON!!!!!!!! I don’t think I should be going to hell for feeling envious on that! I want a family too….. well, i can’t sit and grumble on this but can’t help it…. it’s my confession!

 

  • Pride – It’s actually said to be the deadliest sin of all and the punishment being heavy slabs over their shoulders which forces them to keep their head bowed at all times. Have I ever had a moment of pride? I have actually enjoyed every moment when my high school choir team emerged champions 3 years in a row. It was not so much for the winning but to actually give the ‘IN YOUR FACE’ look to the rival school! Well that ended when I was 17 years old! So, i guess my rating will be 3/10. Now a days I am a better sport! I have learnt to believe that pride will get the best of you. Always be humble as humility takes us a long way and pride will only make us artificial. Personally, I don’t think this is my deadliest sins. That’s why I have saved the best for last.

 

  • Wrath – THE MOTHER OF ALL SINS!!!!!!! I have learnt this along the way in my thirty odd years of breathing in this planet! Once, I had been so angry that I typed an angry email with my middle finger. OK it’s not the typing with the middle finger part but the content of the email to this person I was mad at. Till today, I cannot undo what has been done! I have tried forgiving and yet at times, anger got the better of me. Ira and Superbia works hand in hand and it’s destructive! Watching people you care about getting hurt because of your temper is unimaginable. Speaking when we are angry, will be the best speech we are going to regret. YES THE WORLD DOESN’T WORK IN REVERSE! I was once told that those who angers you, controls you. I don’t see the point of smashing things when anger takes over coz the aftermath… the cleaning bit can be a BITCH! I am surrounded by people who are constantly shouting and constantly pissed about something… gosh! Why aren’t you having Left ventricular dysfunction secondary to hypertension already???? Rub your ears and chant woo zaaahhh…. [I learnt that from Anger Management]. Might look like a mad monkey but who cares?

 

So, there I have  listed the 7 deadliest sins and the mother of all in my list had to be WRATH. Things can get rough and tough out there and its up to us how we are gonna breeze trough it. Live everyday with a big smile and be kind. There’s no point trying to save the planet coz the planet is just fine! Try saving ourselves first and that’s the pebble to our stairway to happiness. Nobody is perfect! We have to accept it but we have a choice and we have will power!

 

Sincerely,

Sweet Sinnerwoman

THREE BLIND DATES AND SEVEN LESSONS

Blind date? The clause freaks me out every time. It’s literally murder on the dance floor! So, this comes back to why I decided to go on it!

You are ready to find your soul mate but you aren’t finding him/her. This is to all singles out there who are preached again and again to be positive and PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE!!!!

We all hang out with our buddies who are either married or attached.. and they are praying that you will find a partner (Thank you!). Someone in the circle says ” Hey, I know this friend of mine who might click with you.” Hmmm…. sounds  familiar? Well, it ends there. NIL…ZIT…NADA….. you never hear about this person again! No one is going to make the move for you…. talking about it is as far as it gets.

So, back to blind dating, it doesn’t happen under the circumstances that you are so ugly that you have to go blind dating. If you are thinking that, then I am sorry to say that you have a shallow mind! The truth is, there are many unattractive people in the world.. for example, I think Ronaldinho (Brazilian footballer) is ugly, but I am sure some women out there find him attractive in a way! Well, I never understood the appeal of Jennifer Aniston, she is just an average Jane with manly features but there are lots of people who find her attractive. Some of you might call me crazy, but that’s my opinion and having an opinion doesn’t necessarily mean the truth or a lie! It just makes it yours!

I am not a person who is into blind dating but i thought, “WHAT THE HECK?” I’ve got nothing to lose except having to go with the nasty anticipation butterflies in my tummy… every single time! I must say that the world of conversation is almost extinct! What better way to put 2 strangers and see if we can preserve it (like in a museum). I began to think, blind dating is just not in the area of romance but you might find a good friend. Blind dating was my way of putting myself out there.

I have crossed the quarter life cycle and I have enough friends to hang out, to laugh with, to cry with and to be silly with. I will be meeting guys whom I would have never met because I always hang out in my safe haven. So, singles… putting yourself out there has a new definition! You don’t frequent clubs and get drunk to be noticed, you don’t go to the gym to be noticed, you don’t go to work all dolled up just to be noticed and you most definitely not pretend to be someone else just to fit it. You attract the right person when you are yourself.

“The more Susan waited, the more the doorbell didn’t ring. Or the phone.” ― Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency

I have been on 3 blind dates so far, and here are the things I have learnt:-

  1. Be yourself – A chance for a total stranger to get to know you. Voice out your opinions and it doesn’t matter if you don’t agree but having an opinion matters. If you are most comfortable to be in your jeans, then wear it!
  2. Give the guy a chance – I have always stereotyped the guys i would go out with and that turned out wrong. I have a limited pool of male friends and I have been missing out on interesting conversations; topics that are not discussed with my ‘2 peas in a pod’ minded people. Different = interesting!
  3. Patience is virtue – Developing a great relationship takes time, get to know the person little by little then sing que sera sera…. I have always been that girl whose life motto is que sera sera.
  4. Honesty – We have nothing to lose by being honest when there are no ties. If you don’t find yourself attracted to this person then SAY IT! The truth is better than a lead! We are all people with different tastes. If you say you will call, then call!!!!! Just because it’s a phrase whereby the length cannot be measured. At least by the person who is waiting. Don’t be a douchebag!!
  5. Be polite – Respect the time the other person has allocated to meet you. It’s more like a business meeting only thing you don’t know what your conversation is going to be on! Being on time is not desperate!!! Get over it! We are all living in the 21st Century and talk about women seeking equality with men. So I don’t think there is anything wrong with a girl arriving first at the restaurant. It just shows you respect time.
  6. Listen – A blind date is not about promoting yourself or give a stranger a chance to write an autobiography of you! Conversation involves someone who talks and someone who listens. You will know if the date went well with the conversations you’ve had. If you come across Johnny Bravo’s brother from another mother and it is not appealing,  please be honest and GET OUT! Well, same goes to those whose cat caught their tongue! Talk and have opinion. It shows you have a mind of your own.
  7. What are you after? – Most people don’t go on blind dates to pass time. Be honest, we are all looking for that one suitable person to be in a relationship with. Find out early what you are both after.

To say that one waits a lifetime for his soul mate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soul mates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.

10 Songs I Hate Because of you

Sometimes I really wish life had a background music, so it would help me understand what’s going on. And those songs that ring in our head when we are happy, sad or just about any feeling! It’s a god-sent feeling. So, to all those who have written the brilliant songs out there, I hope they feel accomplished! I personally feel they do, coz these music is what I call food for my soul. And I am just one person! There are seven billion two hundred and twenty million nine hundred and seventy one thousand five hundred and seventy two people (as of March 21st 2014 at 1300hrs (GMT +8).

But kinda sucks sometimes when the songs you loved were shared with someone who is currently non-existent. Why am i rambling about this? I was in Hong Kong last year somewhere around this time. I went to a local pub by a pier with my friend. We were laughing so hard that there was tears coming down my cheeks and “Crash into me” by Dave Matthew’s band came on. My tears of joy turned to be tears of sadness. A dark cloud was sitting above me! I was listening to this song after 6 long years. I brushed it off.

A year had passed on and just the other day, I was going through my music files and was listening to songs that I have not heard in a while. These songs made me think so deep that I zoned out. My heart ached and my brains felt fuzzy. I love those songs and I can’t bring myself from hearing them because of a person??? Unbelievable right? Some might say, “Get over it! it’s just a song!” Well to all you people out there who thought just that, I don’t blame you because you were not in my shoes or maybe you don’t love music that much!

I have put my past behind me. I embraced all the good things. The bad ones were painful and were buried. It’s good that I can talk about it anytime or joke about it! But the songs, I had difficulty! I can’t explain….. I am not thinking about the non-existent person or anything but it reminded me about my happy times. I want that feeling again!!!! I miss the feeling!! All of us have had that ONE great LOVE! That was mine with all my background songs in it.

So, I made a playlist with the 10 songs “I Hate Because Of You”. I don’t literally hate the songs but i hate the fact that i can’t listen to them without thinking of my bittersweet memories! So here it goes,

1/ Crash into me – Dave Matthew’s Band

2/ Sunday morning – Maroon 5

3/ Speed of sound – Coldplay

4/ Only in dreams – Weezer

5/ Teenage dirtbag – Wheatus

6/ Wonderwall – Oasis

7/ Fake plastic trees – Radiohead

8/ I miss you – Blink 182

9/ Somewhere only we know – Keane

10/ Halcyon on and on – Orbital

Most people have that one song, but I have ten and I am listening to them again and realising why I loved the songs! The beauty of music is that when it hits you, you fell no pain (Thanks Bob Marley). Music is bliss!!

Music is my Refuge!

Do What You Love – A Myth

The world would be a better place if more people were doing what they love. Because we are happier when we discover our passions. I am pretty sure that at least once in your lifetime (so far..) you have heard ” Do what you Love.” Well, it’s funny coz that’s not how it ends up for most of us. I am talking about our career path.

We are multifaceted people who are equally complicated. We don’t just love one thing right? Well i surely don’t… and sometimes i begin to have  thoughts like, what if I was a dancer…. ooo ooo wait!! musician!! or an artist or maybe a runway fashion designer! So I guess I have too many things I love and hence I can’t choose a career based on what I love.

As a young girl, I was often found entertaining myself – whether it was drawing, playing a make-shift piano (I got a real piano a little later), reading, dancing or riding my bike with my sisters. I lived in a fairytale world. I loved connecting to people. I loved performing for people. I loved entertaining people. One of the biggest impact in my life was when I was 6 or 7. I was watching the news whereby thin hungry children who looked like a bag of bones but with big tummies (kwashiorkor) were being given food aid. I always thought that one day, I would be handing these big biscuits to these kids.

Anyway, fast forward…. I went through high school and college. It was one of a kind experience for me! I currently have a Bachelor of Medicine Bachelor of Surgery degree. Yes that’s right!! Totally not what i expected, but i glided through med school as a back-bencher and not over the top achiever (unlike Hermione Granger in Harry Porter series). Med school years is where i actually grew up! And the big question is whether i am doing what I love? I still have no clue after serving the community for 10 years. I must add that i am practicing medicine and have chosen Emergency Medicine & Trauma as my lifetime path in medical career. 

If I looked carefully, my career decision was not a decision about “what do I love most?” Career decisions are about what kind of life do I want to set up for myself? So it was the fact that as I grew up thinking I would one day hand out food aid to the needy got me to where I am now.  Though I could not save everyone, I certainly felt that I was making a difference by giving back to this world in my small way. The reward for doing a job is contributing to something larger than you are, participating in society, and being valued in the form of money. So, if i actually loved money, i would have left my job and formed my band (The non-existent “Ash on Blonde”) and pursued in my dream of becoming a musician and rocking my life!!! Oh i might also have to sell my art work in order to get rich and famous!

I went on a quarter life crisis as i did not know if I had made the right decision (my biological clock crisis was also in the way) and thank god I did not succumb to depression. I had thoughts of wanting to quit my current job and actually doing what I loved. But, then I realised, it’s a mambo-jumbo of stuffs and it might be a career catastrophe waiting to happen. Well I am way past all that now as I have a clear idea in my mind. I did not do what I loved, I did who I am. So, that’s how I chose my career.

And just like that, I chose to categorise “Do what you love” as a myth. Choosing a job, actually any job that defines your strength is what will get you going. Doing what I love is not so important to me now but I have learnt to value love in relationships. And that’s what i am doing…….making relationships in the process of building my career.

So just saying!

“She didn’t belong anywhere and she never really belonged to anyone. And everyone else belonged somewhere and to someone. People thought she was too wonderful. But she only wanted to belong to someone. People always thought she was too wonderful to belong to them or that something too wonderful would hurt too much to lose. And that’s why she liked him– because he just thought she was crazy.”
― C. JoyBell C.