A Response to “But Why Are You Not Married?”


This is a comeback article since my absence for 2 long fuckthopia years! And yes I am grinning!

“People ask me, ‘Why are you single?’ You’re attractive, intelligent and creative. My reply is I’m overqualified.” ~ Unknown

First of all, Yes I was unmarried 2 years ago and I am still unmarried! I dated (speed and not so speed) but now i agree when people around me say that I am too picky. I did not agree to that initially but now I am going to say this, “I am picky because I have the right to do so.”

I have noticed that I tend to be questioned much more about my relationship, engagement, or wedding than my job or related accomplishments. Any social event and BAM….“So, when are you getting engaged or married” or “Why are you still single?” than “How’s your job?” or “Any new projects lately ?” They even twist the question by asking me if I have a special someone, hoping that I will at least show an engagement ring. (But all I wanted to show was my middle finger with a halo ring around it!)



This one takes the icing…. (at a wedding party)

Random Lady I just met: It must be hard for you to see all your friends married and you are still single.

Me: Yeah it’s hard but I get to have hot angry sex with random strangers  and I feel so much better! Have a lovely evening. (All this, with a shot of tequila and a massive come hither look on my face)…… OK I DID NOT SAY THAT TO THE POOR LADY!

It’s actually an inquiry because for the woman I am, I should have been at least dating someone by now. I wish I knew the answer to that question. Sometimes I respond by saying that I am probably meant to be single forever or maybe I am meeting guys who are not that into me.

Truth to be told, I have actually lost the ability to settle! 

I don’t want to be in a marriage just to play house (or doctor) . I don’t just want company. Plus I disagree with getting married as an accomplishment. The year is 2016, but the news about engagement or getting married is more celebrated than a woman’s academic or professional accomplishment. You don’t need to have a brain or special skills to get married. You just have to have a willing partner to join in your journey of life. As a woman in this day, I’m allowed to enquire what can he do for me that I can’t do for myself? I am in a position where I can ask “What can you provide me on the table that I can’t?”

I am not looking for material things here. I want a man who I can respect so I can be submissive because I want to. He just have to be worthy for that. I realised after all these years I am looking for someone who burns as passionately as I do. It lies in his eyes and his heart. I don’t want to settle for a discount lover but I rather wait it out, discover me and be prepared for someone with my level of energy and love for life.

We are considered more mature when we decide that relationships are not just mere pleasure but an opportunity to grow as a person.We all have issues and how we are dealing with these issues are probably at different stages of healing process. It’s important to understand self-worth before joining the same band wagon and go weeeeeee…….

I started questioning myself when people asked me why I was not married. I just couldn’t go on random dates just to find the person. Even if I had a vavavoom experience (if you know what I mean), I was not filling my social calendars with future suitable prospects. I was actually enjoying life as it is….. doing things I want to  because I want to. So, with this being said, I will accept a man who can add something to my already wonderful life. I know what I want in not just a lover but a partner. He will complement me and I will complement him.

So, the answer to the question BUT WHY ARE YOU NOT MARRIED YET is I know exactly what I want and I will get just that.

No bargains and no settling for anything less than what I deserve. You might say that I am asking for a lot…. “I am worth a lot.” With this I want to say that a ring doesn’t define women these days but progress in life with achievements mean more. I still urge people to be excited with “I am getting married” statement but please have the same excitement when a woman says “I am graduating with my masters degree” or “I am opening a new restaurant”.

P.S I have my graduation ceremony coming up next month!





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